Identifying your values

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Identifying your values

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Values, simply put, are the attributes in life that we consider important. They serve as guides and measures by which we aim to live our lives. When we know and live by our values, it is reflected in our wellness and overall life satisfaction, including our behaviours, decision making, work and relationships. In contrast, when we do not feel strong in our values, or live in a way that goes against our values, we may experience a great deal of internal and external conflict and distress, decreasing our overall wellness. 

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How do I work out what my values are?

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While there are some common core values across cultures, what we deem as our own values is personal to ourselves. Our values may depend on a number of factors, such as our background and upbringing, or our current goals and lifestyle. It is okay for our values to change depending on our current life stage or where we are heading, but overall, our core values remain relatively stable across our lives. 

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STEP 1: REFLECT

To help us identify what our values are, it helps to reflect on times in our lives where we felt as though things were going well. This doesn't mean we were without adversity, but perhaps there were areas in our life that were feeling content, or we were feeling capable of managing what was going on in our lives. This can give us some guidance as to what is important to us. What is going on for me, when I am feeling at my best? For example, I am feeling my best when I show myself respect, and feel respected by others in my life. Or, if a time in your life when you were feeling your best was when you were working towards an important goal, your values may be driven, determined, etc. 

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Similarly, we might think about times where things were feeling tough - what would have helped that situation? What could have gone differently? For example, I struggle in environments where there is no trust. 

Remember - there are no best or worst values. What is an important value to one person may be less so to another. Being different is what makes life interesting, and knowing our values helps us to form stronger relationships with others, and create better, wellness enhancing environments for ourselves. 

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STEP 2: IMPORTANCE

The next step in identifying our values is highlighting which ones are most important to us. It helps to narrow this down to around five key values. Having too many can leave us feeling overwhelmed as we try to live up to them all! While we may hold many values in high regard, it’s crucial to focus on the ones that matter most, the ones we want to be accountable to across various aspects of our lives—whether in school, at work, or in relationships.

For example, it might be important to be driven and goal-oriented in your studies or career, but that value may not need to be as central in your personal life or friendships. On the other hand, values like trust or respect may apply across multiple areas of life—whether you're working as a teacher, interacting with colleagues, or building friendships as a student. For both staff and students, identifying and prioritising these core values can guide decision-making, improve relationships, and create a positive, values-driven environment in the school community.

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STEP 3: REFLECT AGAINOnce you’ve identified your top values, the next step is to reflect on how they manifest in your life. Consider the following questions to help guide your reflection.

1. What does this value look like when I show it to myself?
   Think about how you demonstrate this value in your own self-care, mindset, and personal growth. For instance, if one of your core values is "self-respect," what does it look like when you treat yourself with respect? Perhaps it means setting healthy boundaries, allowing yourself time for rest, or speaking kindly to yourself.
2. How do I show this value to others or the environment?
   Consider how you express this value in your interactions with others—whether it’s with friends, family, classmates, or colleagues. For example, if your value is "kindness," how do you show this to those around you? Do you offer help to others, listen without judgment, or support someone in need?
3. What does it look like when this value is shown to me?
   Reflect on how you feel when others demonstrate this value towards you. How do you experience respect, trust, or empathy from others? Recognising how you feel when this value is reflected back to you can reinforce its importance in your relationships and community.
4. How is this value shown at my place of education or work?
   Think about how your values are reflected in your school or workplace environment. Are these values part of the culture there? Do teachers, students, or colleagues honour them in their actions and attitudes? For instance, if "collaboration" is a key value, do you see teamwork and mutual support in your classroom or meetings?
5. What does it feel like when this value is being compromised?
   Consider situations where your values might not be respected or when they’re being compromised. How does that affect you emotionally or mentally? For example, if "honesty" is a key value, what happens when you’re in an environment where you feel people aren’t being truthful? Recognising how this feels can help you identify when something isn’t right, and it gives you an opportunity to make changes.

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By reflecting on these questions, we can gain a deeper understanding of how and when we are living in alignment with our values, as well as recognise when they may be compromised. For instance, if you realise that you often demonstrate a certain value toward others but not toward yourself, this could be an area to focus on in order to enhance your well-being. Wellness isn’t about perfectly adhering to our values, but rather about making small, intentional adjustments that bring our actions and lifestyle more in line with what truly matters to us. Even small changes can have a significant impact on our overall sense of wellbeing and happiness.

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In the end, the goal is not to achieve perfection, but to create a life that feels authentic and aligned with our core beliefs. By regularly reflecting on our values and making small, intentional shifts, we can build a stronger connection to ourselves and our well-being. These adjustments help us foster a sense of purpose and satisfaction, ensuring that we live in a way that feels true to who we are, both in the present and as we continue to grow.

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References: 

Harter, S. (2012). The construction of the self: A developmental perspective (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Kashdan, T. B., & Breen, W. E. (2015). A mindfulness and acceptance-based approach to fostering personal values: Implications for well-being. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 4(1), 1-9. 

Damon, W., Menon, J., & Bronk, K. C. (2012). The path to purpose: Helping our children find their calling in life. Free Press.

Lyubomirsky, S., & Layous, K. (2013). How do simple positive activities increase well-being? Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(1), 57-62.

Feldman, D. B., & Snyder, C. R. (2010). Hope and the importance of goals in healthy living. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 66(3), 294-300.

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